Friday, June 09, 2006

Wasting Away the Weekend

No, hopefully I'll be productive this weekend. I'm referring to last weekend. I never left my apartment. Only showered once. Didn't brush my teeth. Accomplished virtually nothing. Normally, one would assume I slept through the weekend. No, I couldn't even accomplish that. I hate wasting a summer weekend like that, and I'm pissed at myself for doing it.

I did watch the Comedy Channel, which was celebrating a Blue Collar Weekend (if you don't know what that is, you're missing out!). I do like that type of humor, but I must make note that Crimson is a true redneck and a real fan. I watched as a favor to her (and after she reminded me) so that we would have things to chat about!

While I zoned out in front of the TV, I was subjected to a variety of commercials, good and bad. My reviews (no particular order):

Whoever came up with Citibank's Theft Identity commercials was a genius. The whole series is great, but this one's my favorite.

"Fifteen hundred dollars for a leather bustier?!? I didn't care! It lifts and separates...!"

I love the candy bar. I hate the newest commercial. The one where the guy sees his date to the door, and doesn't even get a goodnight kiss. He sulks back to his car, grabs a Milky Way from someplace, unwraps it and out pops some sort of bimbo that asks him what's wrong. "Whateva..." Then he giggles (yes, giggles) with his new friend, Milky Way. Why would I run out to buy one of these now??

Suffice it to say that the only time I've ever stepped into Starbucks was to use their wi-fi. But their latest commercial for Starbucks Double Shot sort of has a marching band feel to it. Sort of a stomp/tap dancing thing in unison, a great drumbeat going on in the background, and the catchy "Who'da man? Who'da man? You'da man! You'da man!" I found myself enjoying it every time it came on!

"Men Of the Square Table"--You've seen this one, with "icons" of manhood sitting around debating and making Man Laws. The best one debates whether it's OK for a man to poke his finger in a beer bottle as he's bringing an armful of them to the table. The very Brokeback cowboy drawls the newest Man Law, "You poke it, you own it." Priceless!

Remember when Jon Lovitz used to be funny? When he was going to be the next John Belushi? When he didn't have to lower himself to doing crap like "Subway Dinner Theater"? Sort of makes me long for Jared to come back!

The Bacardi & Cola commercials are a little bit sexist, a little bit racist, and give me some really nasty flashbacks to my college days of the mid 70s. But they make me laugh! For those of you who didn't get to experience the 70s--yeah, this is close to what it was like at times!

I'm not totally sure why I like this one so much. The car doesn't do much for me. It must be the fairy with attitude. Getting splattered against the brick wall, and not taking shit from the punk that's laughing at her. Gay rights advocates have complained about the commercial, claiming that the use of the word "fairy" implies homosexuality. Some people have far too much time on their hands...

This is Tony Sinclair. He pushes Tanqueray gin. I think he was turned down by the Bacardi people. He does get across the point that one should take all things in moderation. But that's about it. He can't sell me gin. Which is too bad, because I like Tanqueray.

Patti LaBelle fainted on stage 12 years ago, and found out that she had diabetes. So now she's helping sell some sort of newer, more painless blood tester. So what did I get out of the whole commercial? She's 61 years old, and looks absolutely fantastic! She, Cher and Tina Turner need to get together and go on tour. Just to show the gawd-awful pop stars of today what it's like to be a true diva!

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