Thursday, February 17, 2005

Hungry & Saturated

My sister called this afternoon (two of my three sisters live here). Her company is having a wellness screening tomorrow from the local hospital. This is where they take some blood, measure you, weigh you, see how flexible you are, and check your mental well-being, etc. Not an official physical exam though. Then in a week or so, you get the results to find out how "well" you are. Ultimately, it's a ploy by the hospital to force you to come in and get further tests, or get involved in various self-help groups.

Back to my sister. She asked if I wanted to be included, so I said yes. What I hadn't planned on is the 12-14 hr. fast you have to go on beforehand. I'm going in at the crack of dawn, and she didn't call until late in the afternoon, so I haven't eaten since noon. You can't do caffeine either, so it's been water, water, and more water. Guarantees I'll be up all night. My kidneys and bladder work "real well"! I've known that for years!

I'm always a little nervous about these things. I'm afraid that they're going to come back and tell me I have some sort of rare disease I think I'd prefer not to know about. I've decided that ignorance is a really good thing at times. I already know about my physical health. It's not great, but I'm not so bad that I'm homebound or anything like that. I am overweight. My blood pressure is higher than it should be. I don't exercise, eat right, or any of that. Alot of what they base your "wellness" on is how you answer their questionaire ahead of time. I've never smoked, so I know that my score on the "smoking" section is going to be pretty good. I rarely wear seat belts around town--I'm going to score low on safety. I've been known to drink & drive--you fail that section of "wellness" if you've done it even once. If you answer that you sometimes don't handle stress well, they'll recommend seeing a counselor. The point being here--I know all this. And they have the audacity to say, "Studies show that the use of seat belts increases your chances of surviving an automobile accident....." "Because you've never smoked, you'll live to be 100, unless you drink and drive...." Like I've never heard any of this before!!! I don't need someone telling me the incredibly obvious!! This part of the screening is a joke!!!!

So why did I say yes? The blood! My father suffered a couple of heart attacks in the mid-90's, which was a wake-up call to me and my siblings. (He's fine now. Currently spending 3 months in Hawaii with Mom. Spending my inheritance.) BUT... we all got blood tests soon after his first one, and in a wonderful competition, we compared our blood results, with $$$ up for grabs. I'm proud to say that I, the pizza-eating, beer-guzzling, "deep-fat fry the Twinkies" overweight bachelor consistently scores about 181 for a cholesteral number. My sisters? Pushing 240! And when you take into account the numbers for the HDLs and LDLs and triglycerides, etc., etc., I've won every competition! Drives my sisters nuts. Which, in turn, helps me and my "wellness". So that's why I do it. To win cash, to check on my numbers, and to enjoy the domination over my sisters!

Now it's time for another glass of water and bed.

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