Thursday, January 27, 2005

Six Types of Bloggers

In spite of my prior comments about not spending a great deal of time checking out blogs, I find that I DO like to hit that little button in the upper right corner that says "NEXT BLOG>>". The randomness is wonderful, and I've done it enough to determine that there are six basic types of bloggers. Here they are in no particular order:

  • THE TEENAGER--By far, one of the largest groups out there. These people shouldn't be allowed near a computer. If their parents read this stuff, they'd blow a major artery. Both for language and content. There are no happy teenagers. No teenager can write a paragraph without using some of the most graphic profanity imaginable. Apparently, high school English teachers are telling them that if you can't expand your vocabulary, use profanity instead. It's much more effective. Teenage girls are the worst. They're all virgins, but all their friends are sluts. Guys suck, except for Billy. He's different from the rest. Really! He just keeps her picture in his locker to remind him how badly she treated him.... And when did they all decide that they might all be lesbians, or like to be? The biggest sin amongst this group? Thinking that they are gangsta. Nothing worse than a wannabe gangsta. I hate to break it to them, but a 15-year-old, blond-haired, blue-eyed cheerleader named Sally from Pigsnot, Iowa isn't going to impress anyone with their attempts to come off as a ho' from da 'hood!

  • THE SPAMMER--It's nice to know that there's someone out there so concerned about the size of my penis that they'd go to the trouble of setting up a blog with information on what I can purchase, or where I can go to get that taken care of. Granted, it's long been a concern of mine, but I never bothered setting up a blog specifically for that! There's blogs out there for just about any ailment, problem, or subject you can think of. And they appear to have someone that modifies their site on a daily basis! While SPAM appears to be here to stay (and you have to credit someone for coming up with the idea that a blog site would be fertile ground for that), blogs seem to be relatively free of old-fashioned hardcore porn. At least I haven't found, er, run across any yet....

  • THE INFORMANTS--No, not like a narc. These are blogs that are similar to SPAMMERS, but are more informational. There's two main types--the sites that simply list a number of links based on a subject (such as: "Everything You've Always Wanted To Know About North Dakota"), or sites that are actually manned by a real person, who chooses to enlighten the reader about various topics (such as a particular crackpot religion, the philosophy of some unknown 17th century Icelandic pacifist, or by posting their doctoral dissertation on whatever boring, mudane subject they got their degree in). Generally, these sites are harmless, because most people will haul ass out of there as soon as they realize what they've stumbled upon, so that none of the information actually gets out!

  • THE FAMILY GUY--This is the blog where you, and Uncle George, and Cousin Willie, and Grampa Smith can all go to find out what happened at the family BBQ from June, 2002, since you weren't there yourselves. The site hasn't changed since it was originally published in December, 2002, when it was used as a common, but lame, excuse for a Christmas greeting. And all the pictures were taken with Aunt Betty's brand new 1.2-megapixel digital camera. Blown up to 300%. The audience for these pages is limited to about 10 people, max. No one else is really invited to see these pages, but when geeky Uncle Phil made the page, he made it public, and no one, including geeky Uncle Phil, knows how to get rid of the page, or restrict it. Then again, it should stay up, just in case Bobbie Jo's ex-husband makes parole--he really had a good time at that BBQ!

  • THE NORMAL BLOGGER--These are the ones that are the best, but also the rarest, out in blogdom. There might be a nice picture or two, some nice links, maybe some humorous posts. There's generally a little ranting going on, but nothing that would offend anyone. Often there's some personal stories that are interesting, but not a great deal of crisis, or mind-numbing blathering (is that a word?). If you're lucky enough to run across one of these, make note of it!

  • THE NON-ENGLISH BLOGGER--This is often the scariest of the bunch. Mostly because you have no idea what you've discovered or landed in. They actually fit into one of the types from above, which is scary enough, but there's usually no way to tell which! Depending on the country of origin, your experience could be either good or bad. There appears to be alot of Brazilian sites. And Nordic sites. And Indonesian sites. Occasionally you'll get a nice picture. If you run across an Asian one, then the page is usually filled with non-Western alphabets. I have to admit that Korean, Chinese, Vietnamese, Japanese, etc. blogs are quite beautiful. Who knows what's being written, but who cares? It LOOKS good! Same with Middle Eastern writing. Say what you will about what's going on in that region these days--when you read about it in their own writing, it LOOKS good. Once in awhile you'll run across one of Blogger.com's headings ("About Me" or "Archives") in the midst of all these foreign languages or characters. Sort of gives you an anchor of sorts--letting you know that this, too, is just someone's blog!

I would highly urge you to take a chance on that little button in the corner. There's a whole lot of world out there that you should experience! Hopefully this little post can help you figure out what you've found!

6 comments:

Molicious said...

My favorite are the teenage blogs. Especially the ones who think they are so very deep. And their boyfriend/girlfriend broke up with them and now they are on the verge of suicide. I on the otherhand think I am just a normal blogger. But I do use profanity. Alot of it. I use it in normal life, so I always try to write what I would say in person. I am who I am. But hitting that Next Blog button is like playing Russian Roulette.

Lizabeth said...

Loved it! Everything is so true and its about time someone layed down the categories. I think I'm a normal blogger, I like to think so anyway. The Wife is pretty normal too, as far as I've been able to tell from the opposite side of the country ;) (She must have found you from my blog). I limit myself to 2 chances at the roulette table a day. That way I don't sit forever trying to understand what drives people to do some of those blogs. Do they realize no one pays attention?

Anonymous said...

I told myself i'd refrain from blogging ever again, but commenting doesn't count, does it? :)

So Scott.. does this make you "normal?" I dare you to say you are.... :)

~kamey~

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

That's an astute observation on the Blogosphere. Sums it up nicely.

I agree about the random blog button. I used it in the beginning. I found some really well-written blogs. Some of these people should be professional writers; some need professional help.

Anonymous said...

Pigsnot, Iowa?

BeZ_SnA said...

:)) It's great text, so true... I'm sure only in this: I belong to NON-ENEGLISH BLOGGERS. :) Your blog is one of rares which I like...
I'm really sorry becouse of my poor vocabulary... I would write more...