Cartman HNT

"Have you had a screening for colon cancer?" I could have gone the rest of the day without hearing that phrase. That was about six weeks ago. Sadly, the time has arrived. I'm going to be the recipient of a flexible sigmoidoscopy. I can't help but conjure visions of Cartman and the aliens.

I didn't get to schedule when this would happen. I was sort of at the mercy of the doctor's office, and when they could do it. Because the sterilization/cleaning solution is tremendously costly, and this isn't a procedure that they do on a routine basis, I had to wait until there was a group of us ready. Oh, boy! It'll be like our own little club! This thrills me to no end, as you can imagine. Though I did find some reassurance in the fact that: 1)--they sterilize/clean the equipment between patients, and 2)--they only do one patient/day.

I should probably be thankful that this is something that I'm getting taken care of now, rather than at a point where it's a necessity. What they'll be doing is looking for any polyps or other growths or damage. They'll be inserting something that looks like this thing on the right up my wazoo to "take samples" of anything that looks out of the ordinary. Hopefully they won't find any clumps of gerbil hair or things like that. Of course I have to fast and cleanse and prepare ahead of time so that it's clear sailing for them when they go looking around in there. I'm all sorts of excited about that...

The fun part of all this? They don't put you under for this particular procedure. I'll be wide awake to experience the full humiliation and embarrassment. Of course, women have been subjecting themselves to this sort of thing since they were teens, so I doubt I'll get any sort of sympathy there... Anyway, depending upon where you are and when you're stopping by here, I'll be in various phases of things. If you're one of the early posters from Australia, I'll be in the tummy-rumbling phase, as the stool softeners do their thing and start kicking my ass. If you're one of the Wednesday night posters, I'll most likely be in the bathroom when you stop by. I plan to just bring a small table for the laptop in there and camp out. If you're one of the Europeans posting first thing in your morning, I'll still be there. East Coasters posting when you get up in the morning, I'll be up too, giving myself one of two enemas to flush things out. The rest of you who post later on Thursday--I'll be at home, recuperating. Probably curled up in a ball. Under a blanket. In the dark...

So to end this, I should probably post a picture. I'll bet you can't imagine what it will be....



















Surprise! This is the scratch on my face that I awoke to on Monday morning. No idea how I got it, or when. Try to ignore the stray hair--obviously I can't shave over that area, but I had no idea that it was sticking out like that until I took the picture. I hope I've somehow taken your mind off the image that I'm getting probed. I just hope I remember to wear clean underwear!

---

No Mystery Guest this week. No one lined up, and I am too far neck-deep in opera stuff to go recruiting. It's going to be the same story for the next couple of weeks, so if you're interested in being the MG, get in touch with me, K?

---

Another fine week over at "...the Other HNT". Be sure to see your fellow HNTers in their glory. The guys stepped it up this week, too! NSFW, as usual!

---

As mentioned, the opera stuff is keeping me busy. The good news--nothing really bad has cropped up, but we're a little behind where I'd like to be. The bad news--there's still plenty of time for things to get hinky. But all in all, things are running somewhat smoothly at the moment. Next week is when all the pieces start falling into place for real, so we'll see how that goes...

---

An update on Rachel and the custody fight over her grandson. His mother (her daughter) and father are going to be in mediation soon. The attorney that she's retained is pretty confident that she'll be able to get full custody. A half dozen family battery complaints against him over the past couple of years will most likely be his downfall. She didn't divulge exactly how many of you helped, or to what degree, but she said she was blown away by the support. You guys are alright!