Thursday, April 21, 2011

Cartman HNT

"Have you had a screening for colon cancer?" I could have gone the rest of the day without hearing that phrase. That was about six weeks ago. Sadly, the time has arrived. I'm going to be the recipient of a flexible sigmoidoscopy. I can't help but conjure visions of Cartman and the aliens.

I didn't get to schedule when this would happen. I was sort of at the mercy of the doctor's office, and when they could do it. Because the sterilization/cleaning solution is tremendously costly, and this isn't a procedure that they do on a routine basis, I had to wait until there was a group of us ready. Oh, boy! It'll be like our own little club! This thrills me to no end, as you can imagine. Though I did find some reassurance in the fact that: 1)--they sterilize/clean the equipment between patients, and 2)--they only do one patient/day.

I should probably be thankful that this is something that I'm getting taken care of now, rather than at a point where it's a necessity. What they'll be doing is looking for any polyps or other growths or damage. They'll be inserting something that looks like this thing on the right up my wazoo to "take samples" of anything that looks out of the ordinary. Hopefully they won't find any clumps of gerbil hair or things like that. Of course I have to fast and cleanse and prepare ahead of time so that it's clear sailing for them when they go looking around in there. I'm all sorts of excited about that...

The fun part of all this? They don't put you under for this particular procedure. I'll be wide awake to experience the full humiliation and embarrassment. Of course, women have been subjecting themselves to this sort of thing since they were teens, so I doubt I'll get any sort of sympathy there... Anyway, depending upon where you are and when you're stopping by here, I'll be in various phases of things. If you're one of the early posters from Australia, I'll be in the tummy-rumbling phase, as the stool softeners do their thing and start kicking my ass. If you're one of the Wednesday night posters, I'll most likely be in the bathroom when you stop by. I plan to just bring a small table for the laptop in there and camp out. If you're one of the Europeans posting first thing in your morning, I'll still be there. East Coasters posting when you get up in the morning, I'll be up too, giving myself one of two enemas to flush things out. The rest of you who post later on Thursday--I'll be at home, recuperating. Probably curled up in a ball. Under a blanket. In the dark...

So to end this, I should probably post a picture. I'll bet you can't imagine what it will be....



















Surprise! This is the scratch on my face that I awoke to on Monday morning. No idea how I got it, or when. Try to ignore the stray hair--obviously I can't shave over that area, but I had no idea that it was sticking out like that until I took the picture. I hope I've somehow taken your mind off the image that I'm getting probed. I just hope I remember to wear clean underwear!


No Mystery Guest this week. No one lined up, and I am too far neck-deep in opera stuff to go recruiting. It's going to be the same story for the next couple of weeks, so if you're interested in being the MG, get in touch with me, K?
Another fine week over at "...the Other HNT". Be sure to see your fellow HNTers in their glory. The guys stepped it up this week, too! NSFW, as usual!
As mentioned, the opera stuff is keeping me busy. The good news--nothing really bad has cropped up, but we're a little behind where I'd like to be. The bad news--there's still plenty of time for things to get hinky. But all in all, things are running somewhat smoothly at the moment. Next week is when all the pieces start falling into place for real, so we'll see how that goes...
An update on Rachel and the custody fight over her grandson. His mother (her daughter) and father are going to be in mediation soon. The attorney that she's retained is pretty confident that she'll be able to get full custody. A half dozen family battery complaints against him over the past couple of years will most likely be his downfall. She didn't divulge exactly how many of you helped, or to what degree, but she said she was blown away by the support. You guys are alright!

39 comments:

V said...

We’re up! This week, V's getting waxed!

heelsnstocking said...

I'm up and a little tied up! And lost my shoe

Good luck! It's not as bad as you think.

Happy Easter and happy HNT xxxx

BTExpress said...

Ewwwwww, WTF were you thinking? This was way TMI!

Yes, I'm up, but not that way. That way may never happen again after this post. Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

Tigress said...

Dude, you crack me up! Wuv ya!

I'm up with a pinch!!! On my tittie!

Tigress

Daisygirl said...

colon blow....haha! I hate waking up to strange scratches but it happens!

Happy HNT babes!
Im up!!!

Vixen said...

Oh...um *crossing legs tightly* well um, that sounds fun. (NOT)

I'm up!

xo

JM said...

We all gotta do what we all gotta do. Having said that I can't say I envy you!

Maybe that scratch is a distraction from the aliens that gave you the anal probe hopeing you wouldnt notice ;)

After a week off, I'm UP with a little moonlight scene.

Cheeky Minx said...

Hmmm, should I be grateful that I now have an extremely vivid image of you and your "stool softeners" doing their thing?! All I can say is, I don't envy you one jot. Lots of, er, luck? ;P

I'm up.
xxx

Lusting Lola said...

Good luck. Hope everything goes well.

I'm up relaxing in the tub.

His Long Distance Pet said...

It won't be as bad as you think. I think the whole prep. process before the actual procedure is worse. Good luck! :]

It's been awhile, but I'm up!

Sugarmag said...

You have my sympathy, good luck. My parents have had it done and it's not so bad, I hope you will do something really nice for yourself when it's over.

I'm up! I'll make the rounds tomorrow...

Gucci Mama said...

Oy. Good luck.

I'm up.

13messages said...

You're in my thoughts. I cringe, but congratulate you for doing what's gotta be done. Here's to good health!

Midwestern City Boy said...

We survived Tax Day and are up at Married In Ohio.

P.S. As others have mentioned, the prep is WAY worse than the actual procedure.

Lady Seduction said...

I think the trick is just to take a few deep breaths and relax, try not to think about things too much. ;) Good luck!

I'm up!

SapioSlut said...

I'm up and showing stripes...

Happy HNT!

pocket rockettz said...

Mine is up.


Don't sound like a fun sort of probing to me. Good luck.

http://pocket69rockettz.wordpress.com/2011/04/21/hnt-6/

Happy HNT

Walk On The Wild Side! said...

I have been looking at your blog for several days and am using it as a motovation to pick up the pace on mine own. I have also posted a link to HNT as well. Comments and encouragement is welcome. http://i12seeu2.blogspot.com/

Dana said...

Bwahahahahaha! I'll just never think of your ass the same way again ...

On a serious note, good luck with everything. I know how these "routine" things can cause a great deal of stress.

I'm up!

Mrs Discontented said...

Happy HNT! I'm Up!

Mrs D

Johanna said...

Good luck today!

I'm up, second time HNT:ing.

Eden said...

Happy HNT Os & Co! I'm up and it's all about the hair!

Os, I commend you for talking about the flexi-sig and can appreciate your apprehension about it: lots of people feel the same and never talk about it, but at least you know how to and you are doing what you can to stay fit. I hope it won't be so bad in the end and that you get a clean bill of health afterwards. Good luck with it!

Maggie said...

Good luck! It's very important to catch any potential problems as early as possible. I know that doesn't make you feel any better, but I've got nothing else. :)

I'm up.

HyperSexualGirl said...

Is this the same thing as a colonoscopy? Either way, I'm wondering if this is as much fun as a gyno exam.

As for the scratch on your face, I'm thinking midnight satanic rituals while you're sleeping.

And I'm up!

Jobthingy said...

I wake up with random scratches ALL the time. It is actually kind of annoying.

Luck with the appt. That it goes .. uh .. smooth and quick. Although it is a hassle, it is something that needs to be done. Too many wont and they are the ones that end up sick.

I am up with an Easter egg hunt ;)

The Smoking Redhead said...

Just remember to breath deep and relax.

Oooops, I said deep. He he. ;)

mina said...

Happy HNT. I'm up with a thoughtful post this week. I'm getting all squishy and shit. lol

MinorityReport said...

Well, that's no fun. And I do sympathize. I got to experience that joy last April (though I didn't get that flex sig...thingy you're getting. I got a colonoscopy.) I hope your experience is the same as mine in that the prep is 100x worse that then procedure.

Thinking of you and sending some happy thoughts your way.

I'm up!

viemoira said...

Well- here's to hoping you're all "cleaned out" by now... :P

Don'tcha know the scratch is from the aliens visiting you to verify the correct person/address to prepare for the probing... ;)

I'm up...
viemoira

Molls said...

Hey from Austria!

I'm up.

Perrin said...

Hello everyone.

HNT is up!

Autumn said...

oh Os...those types of examinations are never fun. sorry you had to go through it but your body is thanking you! i'm proud of you for going through with it (little club and all) and also, i'm glad they didn't find any gerbal hairs. gawd that made me laugh!

mysterious scratches and bruises are (or have been) quite common for me. let's just blame it on the house elves. :)

too bad on the MG. hope you find a lovely subject soon. hugs to you!

xoxo
loves autumn

oh yeah...my post is up.

Emmy said...

Good luck! May it all go well!
And I'm up.
~Emmy

PS: stop fighting yourself in your sleep so you don't wake up with scratches. :)

Joanna Cake said...

Ruf and I are synching our bottoms with you to show errr... solidarity :P

Late to tell you but I am up :)

GoodWill said...

Good luck to ya Os...

I'm up (late but better than nothing, since I'm new to this game!)

pondering said...

Well my wife "convinced" me my appointment was a Wednesday so I arrived at 6:30am for my 7am date with the scope. Well I was right it was Thursday so I had plenty of practice prepping! Lucky me.

The snowtire guy.

Ms Scarlett said...

Hope it all went well...

XO

Summer said...

That's good news for Rachel and the custody battle. I hope it turns out well for her.

faeteardrop said...

I'm up!! just forgot to do this part :) A Little Gender Bending